Cheating Spouse: Is Spying an Invasion of Privacy?

My, how the cheating spouse cries foul when he/she discovers you are spying.

Outrage can be intense: “How dare you!! I never thought you would stoop to that! How could you!? How can there be trust in this relationship if you do that? This is none of your business; I don’t spy and go behind your back! Now you know why I want to pull away from you. How could I love anyone that would do something like that to me?" On and on.

Cheating husbands and cheating wives usually will not admit the duplicity of their clandestine behavior. But you are made out to be the villain if you use detective work to discover the truth. It doesn’t make sense, but then again not much about infidelity borders close to sanity.

Are you a morally corrupt duplicitous character hell bent on destroying the integrity of a relationship through spying? No, of course not. The integrity of the relationship has been destroyed through the extramarital affair. The affair shattered the promises and mocked the vows that the two of you made.

You saw clearly the signs of a cheating spouse. The affair invaded the domain of your marriage and crumbled its protective boundaries. The marital infidelity broke the contract of the marriage; it was the act of betrayal. Spying does not damage the marriage. It is an attempt to seek the truth and resolve the pain and deception.

Spying is often used to grasp the reality of the situation. It’s intent is to find the truth. Only the truth can provide a foundation from which to begin resolving the hurt, pain and forging a direction for the marriage and enable each person in the marriage to attain health and sanity.

BROKEN TRUST!

BROKEN TRUST......ever been there?

BROKEN TRUST......ever spent sleepless nights because of it?

BROKEN TRUST......ever felt your stomach eat itself through the lining?

BROKEN TRUST......ever been so confused with what is real and what is not ?

BROKEN TRUST......ever feel like your entire world has just turned upside down?

BROKEN TRUST......ever feel like dieing?



If you have been there so to speak, then you know what it means to suffer from a trust betrayal, or BROKEN TRUST. For lack of a better word. It just plain SUX!

I want to say that we need to experience a broken trust in order to really be able to feel an unbroken trust, but this is not so. There are some experiences in life that no one deserves and dealing with a BROKEN TRUST is certainly one of the top ten.

Some people go through their lives never experiencing the feelings of betrayal or deception or a BROKEN TRUST. For them life is always good and on an even keel. They cannot even imagine what others, that have had even one of those experiences, is feeling or trying to explain.

Have you ever just been totally blinded by your affection with another that you over look every warning sign.? Have you caught a glimpse of a warning sign, and when confronting your partner about it, you believe them after some discussion, but still have a lingering feeling of doubt? Have you ever came upon warning signs that are as real as your hand and when you tried to question them about it, you were made to feel like you were doing something wrong even thinking that they had anything to do with it, yet in your guts you could not feel that you were wrong?
Have you ever brought solid issues up to your partner, because you just need to know, and all they do is get angry and accuse you of not trusting them?

In all these scenarios, the partner being confronted is either guilty, or not.
They could be guilty but with an honest excuse. They could be very good at playing the reverse the attack game, making you feel like you are the wrong doer in the end. Or they just plain pretend that they have no clue what you are talking about and ignore it altogether, again making you out to be the problem if you persist to question.
When you love someone, it does not mean that you should turn a blind eye and agree with their every thought or decision. You, as your own person have choices. If you feel threatened or betrayed, you have the right to clear up those feelings.

Just because you question your partner about an issue does so not mean that you lack TRUST or LOVE. Matters of the heart are very tricky to deal with. One can become very defensive and take any question as a personal attack. That is why emotional wars in any relationship are so draining and confusing.

No one wants to mistrust their partner, but what is one to do when certain signs keep coming up time and time again? Love is only so blind. Some people go through life succeeding in their game of denial or turning the tables to suit themselves. Those types are the hardest people to deal with in a relationship. Eventually you are always the one that ends up feeling hurt and accused of not trusting.. Not only hurt by what you feel is wrong but also, you feel defeated in what you feel and believe is right. Because of your love for your partner and the desire to keep things happy, you stay quiet and try to "Let it go". Then you find yourself mistrusting even more because you are forced to decide about things in your own mind, for fear of being wrong again. This is where a communication break down occurs between two people in a relationship. Once that happens, both parties are on separate roads going separate places and sometime never ever meeting on the same road again.
If you are any of these personalities listed above and you care about your partner, then you must not let communication fall to the way side. Also you must not take it as a personal attack, but more of a person crying for help. It is them that is suffering from a BROKEN TRUST and they are in need of your patience and understanding. They are not enjoying their torture at all. In some ways they are trying to share the pain with you. I know that sounds a bit confusing , but to be human is to be a confusion.
Life can be so good when we have no BROKEN TRUST issues to deal with. Also we need to respect one another and not add to the confusion of a "Normal" relationship by deceiving or belittling our partner. Relationships are at thier best when both partners are at peace and respect one another!

Some hurts cannot be repaired, but at least they not need be endured alone!

Being Dumped, just plain sucks!

Today I received a question from a guy. Here is what he said:

"Posted by Anonymous
The last woman I was involved with was quite full of herself.
So then why did she dump me?"

And my answer to him was this... "Posted by Dorothy
Hey there, sorry to hear about your being dumped. Not knowing either of you, it is really hard to answer that question. There are many reasons for people walking away from a relationship. It could have plain worn out. Also they could have found someone else. Either way, it sucks, and you have to deal with the pain, and learn to get on with your life. It is a challenge, but it does make you aware, of what being human is all about. There is a saying; "If it doesn`t kill you. it will only make you stronger." Also I am a firm believer in: " Things do happen for a reason." Hang in there, things will get better, if you let them. Take Care and thank you for sharing that with me."


"Being Dumped" really is one of the worst experiences, short of death that we, as humans are faced with in our lives. They say that, death of a loved one is easier to learn to live with, than a break-up , "Being Dumped" or rejection.

All of the above, tell us that we are unacceptable to someone. We immediatley turn it into ourselves and that's when the self-blame seed is sown. Through self-blame we begin to feel shame. Shame is so painful, that no one talks about it or even wants to think about it. Shame is the least identified emotion we as humans deal with, because we are ashamed of our shame. Shame, is yet another negative emotion, that captures and imprisons us in a pit of hell. It pulls us into a life of silence and inactivity, lying and hiding our true fears. When we are rejected in any situation, it is a true hit to our self-esteem. If we are weak in that area, then our fall is going to be very hard. If we are strong in that area, we will quickly become weak. I wrote this in a recent blog:


"When we first fall in love; What is that saying, "Love is Blind"? Ha! Now that's funny, because it really is blind. We trust so instantly and genuinely that we potentially set ourselves up for the biggest fall in our lives. Why is that? Is it because we are so driven by nature to want to trust someone? Or is trusting someone just a happier, easier, way of life."

So there it is, we as humans, live to love and want to be loved. We are blinded by the romance of the word ~ LOVE~. We are made happy by the word~LOVE~, but we are also hurt by the word ~LOVE~. So why do we continually set ourselves up? We are gambling, and we do not even know it. Or, is life simply just that, a gamble? The bottom line is, no one wants to get "DUMPED", because it is not in our nature to know how to accept it. How many of you have been, "DUMPED" and just knew that your life had ended? You just knew that you will never see anything the same again. Well, you were partly correct there. It is like any other change in our lives. Things will be different than we are use to. Your life has definitely not ended. Yes, your partnership has ended with a person, and maybe it was not expected, but nor are hurricanes or wars. We deal with it all, we have to. We chose to survive. Think of it as starting a new life. Newness is positive and healthy. Look at things differently, and embrace all that newness. Do not fear it. "BEING DUMPED", is just another chapter in your book of life. If you had no chapters, think how dull your book would be. Now, you can open your self to another chapter, and believe me, there are many. If you spend the rest of your life wondering all the "WHY`S", just think, you have wasted even more of your precious time on something that has chosen another road. As for the fact that a person is, full of themselves, that really has nothing to do with the "Why's" of "Being Dumped". Even the most confident people close doors on relationships. They in fact, have more courage to do so than a person of less confidence, or being less full of themselves, so to speak. Who Knows? All we know is that the decision has been made and you as a person, with intelligence, must turn the page. Getting stuck in that feeling just makes therapists rich. (wink) Life offers many, many humps and bumps. We trip and fall, over and over again. The trick is to get real good at picking yourself up and dusting off the old dirt. This is life. I told my daughter, when she was struck by her first cupids arrow, "If you are going to get emotionally involved, be prepared to get emotionally uninvolved." It's life! One very important thing we must remember; when we are at the bottom and we feel we are worthless and will never ever TRUST again, it's is a nothing more than a human emotion. We know it as doubt. We can over come doubt very easily. Look in the mirror, and tell yourself, that you are UNIQUE, and you are going to make happiness your goal. You must risk all the falls to reach that goal. Letting yourself believe that you are deserving of another relationship is truly a risk, again another gamble. But what is life without a little risk? We have the power to overcome our negative self. We just need to DO IT!

"Self doubt is not an option!

Our doubts are traitors and make us lose the good we often might gain by fearing attempt."

Shakespear

Be His Gift of Self-esteem for Christmas

On Christmas Day give your loved one a special gift. This gift should be real and true. It will let him know how dear he is to you and how much you look forward to spending the rest of your life with him.

This special gift being, your most highest Self-esteem. One that he will never, ever forget. Through your gift of a higher self-esteem, he will know just how much he means to you. After all, you can not just go to the department store and buy this gift.

It is a gift that has taken time and effort.
It is a gift that not very many people would even consider giving.
It is a true gift of love.

Remember, no one likes to open an empty box, so make sure it is full of self-worth and self-esteem.

You are probably wondering, how am I suppose to do that? I know that sure we can want it and we can fake it, but can we really feel it and offer our self-esteem as a real, and true gift, one that will last forever.

Yes you can!
You just do it.

You have all heard of the,"Twelve days of Christmas"?

Well I have put together for you, 12 very positive habits in order to each your highest self-esteem. Not to mention a very good feeling of self-worth. Think of it as the Twelve Days to a Higher Self-esteem!

We have heard all the love songs and read all the very sweet, romantic Christmas cards that are bought by the millions. In my mind almost all of those sweet lyrics are asking for one thing and one thing only. He wants YOU for Christmas. He wants to see you smile and radiate with love for him. So ladies lets just do it. Lets give him a Christmas that he will always remember.

One that will make him smile every day for the rest of his life. After-all, he is very much worth it. Love is worth all, if not more of the discipline and energy it takes in building that higher, more positive self-esteem. This is my gift to you! I hope that your loved one will be a very happy guy this Christmas, when he sees your gift of self-esteem that you have given him.

Twelve Days to a Higher Self-esteem:

Day 1-Write about you! Get a journal and write about you in it every night before you go to bed. Write at least 10 things that you did that makes you smile that day, no matter how small.

Day2- Be your own you! Live your life like you want to live it. Make your own decisions. Do not base your decisions on other's wants and desires.

Day 3- Identify your priorities! Take care of your needs first. Find what gives you lasting pleasure, not just instant quick fixes. To respect your needs is a great way to lift your self-worth and build a higher self-esteem.

Day 4- Share more of you with others! In sharing a part of you, and making others feel good, you in turn feel very valuable. A feeling of value will send your self-esteem soaring.

Day 5-Spend time with positive people! Positive people send positive vibes.

Day 6-Stay away from the "I want" syndrome! Meaning, I want to look like her, I want to be skinny, I want to be perfect, Or I want what I will never have. These are all negative thoughts that only work against your positive self-esteem.

Day 7- Love Who You Are! Look in the mirror and tell yourself you are UNIQUE at least10 times through out this day. Tell yourself that you are SPECIAL. That you are LOVED and want to love back. (It's been a week now and it's been tough, but dont give up! Your more than half way now!)

Day 8- Stop the comparison game! When you compare yourself, you are questioning your own self-worth. A very BAD HABIT. STOP it on this day!

Day 9- Stop trying to be perfect! To be a perfectionist will only drain energy that you could benefit you in just being you! We all know that once you can just be you, life seems so much more fun!

Day 10- Stop putting yourself down! Putting yourself down every chance you get is a definite no-no. You cannot win the positive/negative battle if you continue to think negative. (almost there now!)

Day11- HUG alot! Hug as many people as you can on this day. Just make sure they are not strangers. That could be a bit of a problem. Hugz are just so good! People can not hug enough or get hugged enough. So hug alot!

Day12- (Last Day!) Just do It! You cannot win the battle if you don't do anything to win it. When you activley work toward achieving your positive thoughts, you not only defeat the negative but you also feel good inside about yourself and others. That is exactly what makes your self-esteem soar!

Well there you have it, my gift to you. How to get your self-esteem to a high enough feeling that it can be a gift from you to him. One that he will surely cherish.

Christmas time is a very special time of the year. We are all in a very positive, happy mood. The Christmas spirit washes over us like a warm wind. Embrace it, enjoy it, and remember to share your good feelings with everyone. Others are also trying to build their self-esteem and could definitely benefit from your positive smiles and hugz.

I wish everyone a very Merry Christmas and I truly hope that your self-esteem will be a gift to remember.
Dorothy Lafrinere
****************
"Christmas gift suggestions: To your enemy, forgiveness. To an opponent, tolerance. To a friend, your heart. To a customer, service. To all, charity. To every child, a good example. To yourself, respect."
Oren Arnold

Dorothy Lafrinere is the owner and operator of http://www.womensselfesteem.com. She has been working to help build women's self esteem for many years and is considered an expert in her field. Dorothy's website is filled with information, forums, articles, a chat room for women only and much more. The theme of her website is based on Women helping women build self esteem and confidence.

Be Glad That There’s Quarrel in Your Relationship

Is your love relationship smooth? Have the both of you actually quarreled before? If your answer is yes, then you should be happy and be glad that it happened. But if your answer is however a no, then you should be aware of the danger that you are facing. Hmm… did I make things sound a bit too scary? Ha, it is not exactly that serious; don’t be scared off by me. Well, I should believe that the both of you are just, still in the sweet honeymoon period of your relationship.

In life, we encountered a lot of up and downs. But it is nevertheless, through all these problems and obstacles that we learn to stand up on our feet times and times again despite the falls we had, that made us what we are today. If life were to be so smooth for us, we wouldn’t have grown and learn to truly appreciate it. The same goes for love; if a relationship is ever so sweet and smooth, we wouldn’t have learn to really appreciate and cherish the love that is between ourselves and our love. It is through the overcoming of all those quarrels and problems, surviving them through together that we truly know that we deeply cherish the love that is between both, strengthening the relationship more than ever.

Be glad that there is quarrel between both. It actually means that the both have developed another step further in your relationship. It is only when one is closer to you that a quarrel will then actually happen. I don’t suppose you will pick up a quarrel with your partner whom you just started dating? You be just trying all out to please him or her instead, wouldn’t you?

But do however treat each and every quarrel seriously, especially when the both of you have just started. This is the time for you and your partner to further understand each other more deeply, the time for you to reflect on yourself and honestly think about the relationship. This is the time for the relationship to be tested. A test of your love for one another; whether this relationship is strong enough to withstand any thunderstorm there may be. Well, a survival never fails to further strengthen the relationship, truly cherishing each other ever more.

Avoid unnecessary reasoning at the point of a quarrel. Most of the times it will only make things worse, wait till both have cooled down. At the end of the day, always make an effort to find out what actually went wrong. Is it your fault? Talk to each other nicely, share your unhappiness; let your partner know how you felt. A softer tone is always more calming and pleasing to the ears. Your partner will usually be willing to listen and to share his or her feelings with you too. Sometimes it is out of too much care for one another that unwillingly trigger off a quarrel between both?

Remember, nobody wanted any quarrel. If you are at fault, please don’t be a stubborn donkey, you jolly well apologize and seek for your partner’s forgiveness. A word of sorry isn’t really that hard to say out? There is nothing ashamed to feel of, especially when with your love? Admit your fault, a sincere apology would always be pleasing to the ears; most of the time, harmony it will bring. Nonetheless, if your partner were to apologize to you, you graciously accept it. Why start another quarrel when you could end it? Well, there shouldn’t be any overnight grudges between couples.

Give each other a good hug. “I love you dear, I am really so sorry to have hurt you, please forgive me…” Now isn’t that such a sweet ending? It is usually through so that you understand each other better, cherishing each other even dearly. Remember, love is a two-way communication. It takes two happy persons, a happy you and your love to complete the equation.

Attention Men: What Never To Say To A Woman

Guys, we ladies know that you can be pretty clueless. Have you ever said something "innocent" that got your woman really mad? There are just some things a woman does not want to hear. If you want to keep peace in your relationship, take my advice and don't ever say this to your girlfriend/wife:


Mistake #1: "Your best friend is hot." She'll end up feeling threatened that you're attracted to someone so close to her. It cause tension anytime the three of you get together. If you think her friend, sister, cousin, etc. is a knock-out - just keep it to yourself.

Mistake #2: "Maybe You should go on a diet." Women are insecure enough about their bodies as it is. Seeing models and actresses on TV and in magazines makes many women feel like they're not good enough. You should never let her know that you notice her flaws, because she's probably already obsessing over them.

Mistake #3: "I don't ever want to get married." Most women are interested in long-term relationships. Plus, they love weddings. Telling her that you NEVER want to get married will definitely cause conflict in your relationship. Saying this to a woman may end your reltionship or lead to a psycho possessive girlfriend.

Mistake #4: "My ex used to do it different." Your new honey does NOT want to be compared to your ex. Do not remind her that you ever had sexual & romantic feelings for someone else. You might end up making her jealous. The exception is when you are making a comparison extremely favorable to your new girlfriend. However, you have to be careful - bringing up past lovers too often for no reason will make her think that your ex is still on your mind.

Mistake #5: "Maybe I should go without you." If you're going somewhere, and your significant other wants to come, just let her! You know that she might not enjoy herself, but denying her will make her suspicious. Besides, isn't it fun spending quality time together?

Mistake #6: "That fart you made was killer!" If you're both really close and comfortable with each other, this might be okay. However, when she lets one slip by accident and starts blushing, DO NOT laugh at her. It's an extremely embarassing situation and she doesn't need you to notice that she has "odors."

Mistake #7: "Why do you always want to talk?" I'll tell you the answer now so that you never ask her this. The reason females always want to talk, is because that's what they're good at doing. They've been doing it for years and that's what they're used to. Your silence can mean a lot of different things to a woman, some bad - so open up and let her know what's really on your mind. If you don't want to talk, say that you don't want to talk right now, but would be happy to in 1/2 hour. Anything else will make you look like an insensitive jerk.


Keep your woman happy and don't utter any of these offensive remarks. Remember that saying the wrong thing could mean that you end up sleeping on the couch tonight!

Amaze Your Lover - 16 Romantic Ideas To Keep Them Happy

Some people have a natural ability to romance the oppposite sex and others seem like they don't even know what it means. However, everyone should know how to make their partner's heart melt because it's one of the finest acts of seduction.


For Your Wife/Girlfriend:

1. Kidnap her for a surprise picnic. Plan your rendevous for the weekend or when you both have a free day. Make sure she doesn't have any plans. Then you tell her to come with you to the supermarket or something along those lines. Give her time to get ready, get in the car, and pick up some take-out food. Then head to a nice empty beach or park and explain to her that you're having a romantic getaway!

2. Write her a poem. If this is not your thing, there are lots of places to get some inspiration. Try a poetry book, romantic song, etc. Just don't repeat anything word for word because it may sound familiar to her and she'll know you faked it.

3. Cook her a delicious meal, light some candles, dim the lights and CLEAN the house! When she gets home, she'll be speechless.

4. Hold her hand everytime you go out. If this isn't possible (because one of you is carrying a baby or pushing a shopping cart) then make sure to maintain some form of physical contact. This will make her feel like you're proud to be with her and can't keep your hands off her!

5. Give her a spa like treat. Fill your tub with warm water then add some milk and honey. Invite her in, give a a nice scrub down, then sit behind her and give her a firm yet gentle scalp massage.

6. Plan a photography session. Let your wife or girlfriend get all dolled up for you, then take pictures of her that you'll keep in your wallet, office, or car. Tell her that she's beautiful and that she takes amazing pictures.

7. Get up a few minutes before her one day and write a simple "I Love You" on a post-it. Stick the post-it on the bathroom mirror or someplace she'll be sure to see it. This is guaranteed to make her feel special and lovey-dovey! If you wan't to expand on this idea, you can leave sweet little notes for her in so many other places too!

8. If you're an artist, take inspiration from Titanic and draw, paint, or sculpt your lover. You'll get the best resluts if your masterpiece actually looks good but if not, tell her you could never create something as beautiful as her.


For Your Husband/Boyfriend:

1. After a hard day at work, give your man an exquisite back massage. Use some aromatheraoy massage oil to relax and soothe him.

2. Wear lingerie. This might not seem like the most romantic thing to do, but he will absolutely love it. He will definitely appreciate the effort you made and it'll seem super-romantic to him!

3. If your lover shaves his face, you do it for him. Play some romantic music, lather him up, and use slow, gentle strokes to shave him. DO NOT cut or nick him! Just take your time and he'll feel satisfied and taken care of.

4. Take some time out to just look into each other's eyes. Appreciate his presence, his scent, and his warmth. If you feel like kissing him, go for it!

5. Pretend to need him. Men like to be the ones to protect you, so tell him you get scared when he's not around or that you feel safe with him there.

6. Cuddle him unexpectedly. Warning - do this when you two are completely alone so that he won't feel uncomfortable or embarassed. To keep him happy, stop before he feels crowded. I suggest you hold him for about 5-6 minutes, then give him some space.

7. Buy him tickets to a football or basketball game that you know he wants to see. To keep things romantic, go with him and cheer for his team!

8. Cook him a huge feast, let him stuff himself, then you load the dishes in the dish washer while he rests. When you're done, sit near him and stroke his arms while whispering sweet nothings in his ear.


These are great tips that you can use anytime. Good for special occassions such as anniversaries or when you just want your partner to feel extra special. Don't ever let your significant other forget how much you care. Keep them feeling warm and fuzzy and they'll treat you so much better!

A Dream of the Perfect Partner

Understand the heart when thinking of loving one’s perfect partner.

Your dream is so beautiful and it is never to late to happen. What I would say is keep your dream close to your heart and visualise fully what it would feel like for your dream to come true and your perfect partner stepped into your life. Spend a little time now just going back to your dream remember the rose petals and smell their essence in the air. Hear the waves crashing on the beach and feel the sea air on your face.

Visualise your dream partner see how close to your perfect person they are. Imagine the feeling of holding them in your arms, see their beautiful cloths and smell them. Feel your heart swell with love for each other. Use your powers of visualisation to see them in your minds eye.

Know that they already exist in this world and are thinking of you in the same way at this moment in time. Feel the warmth of their thoughts surrounding you and embracing you. They are only ever a thought away from you. You’re both telephonically linked and will be drawn together.

Be patient, know that when the time is right it will happen in the perfect moment and be even more perfect than you have already imagined. See the hidden hand of nature working in your life. All the trials and tribulations you have experience have all been necessary. All the pain you have suffered has been put there to temper you, to give you the opposite of who you really are, so that you can have a clear vision of yourself in your magnificence.

Just take a deep breath, and breathe yourself in, connect to your higher planes and dance with the angels. Know that god has only brought you angels, so that you can know yourself in this moment of Now.

It is time to let your story go, it is time to be fully present in the now moment and to love yourself fully and connect to your magnificence. Breathe in your partner feel their essence feel your love flowing to them and theirs returning to you.

Know that this experience is real in this moment. You are truly blessed because you have realised that your happiness is not dependent on anyone else. It is all happening within you, yet it is even more real than life itself.

Know that the process of creation is thought, word and deed. Your dream is the finest state of thought, blended with your imagination and passion; creates a tremendous power and sets the universe in motion to bring that vision to you in your reality.

The synchrony of life is such that while your dream is burning in your heart. Your true soul mate is being drawn to you even as you read this. Feel them coming closer; in every second know that you are together already, there is no separation your hearts are joined in a bond of love, that can never be broken.

Addicted to the Drama

There are presently 6 billion people living on Planet Earth. World Peace is the ideal that all 6 billion of them will learn to live in Peace and Harmony together, united in Holy Matrimony, until death by natural causes do them part. Lets start off small. Lets see if we can get two of them to live together in Peace.
Samuel Twain is a 54 year old Harvard Graduate, former Law Professor, District Attorney, Defense Counsel, turned extremely successful Mutual Fund Owner. Obviously we are not talking chopped liver here. We are talking Midas, in his professional life, and Murphy, in his personal life- the only law he has known is Murphy’s Law- or so he thinks- way too much. Sam is currently married to Jane, a stunningly attractive woman, popular, brilliant, composed, a ballet, tennis, golf, community involvement enthusiast, on the outside, the perfect woman. Sam and Jane have raised two magnificent children, Dawn, a 26 year old physician, married to Alan, a 28 year old physician, and Gail, a 21 year old doll about to be married to a young wonderful lawyer named Richard. They are all in perfect health, living in Boca Raton Florida, on the outside, the family envied by the entire world – a modern day Pleasantville family. Unfortunately, the entire family is caught in the throes of grief and misery, as if the Titanic had just hit the Iceberg in the Icy Atlantic Ocean late at night, and the Captain just realized that they forgot to load the lifeboats. How could this be?
Well, have you ever heard of a little 3 letter word called sex? Sigmund Freud, the father of modern psychiatry, who had intimate relations with his mother on a regular basis, said that every 3 seconds men have a sexual thought. It must have been all that time spent sitting in his chair with his stopwatch that led to his fascination with Fransz Antoine Mesmer, the father of faith healing, and hypnosis, if you don’t count the Jewish born Rabbi and Creator of the Universe, the Messiah to 2 billion Christians and 1 billion Muslims, Jesus aka Joshua aka Yeshua aka The Holy Spirit aka God the Father Almighty, you know who I’m talking about. Sam and Jane have spent hours if not days with their relationship counselor Dr. Ellen Friedrich, who is still working on the case, without any success. She is wondering how she passed 11 years of medical school but can’t seem to get the perfect couple of the Universe to function peacefully together. Sam has spent so much time bouncing from Baby Thomas’ crib room, to hotel suites, to his palatial country estate in the Hamptons alone, that when the border guard asked his address, he began to drool uncontrollably and had to be fitted with a cloth between his teeth and a straight jacket to prevent him from chewing his jaw off.
So what is at the root of Sam and Jane Twain’s misery? Well, 8 years ago, a lovely woman, Dawn, divorced from 2 alcoholics, came to work as a secretary in the office of Sam Twain. To say that the chemistry between Sam and Dawn was and continues to be hot, is like saying that Adolf Hitler wasn’t really that enamored with Jewish people. Sam and Dawn not only set the bed on fire at an age when Sam should be going blind from Viagra, but they also have a blazing red hot friendship. At the same time, Sam is still madly in love with Jane, even though 30 years of practice seems to have cooled off the sheets somewhat. One would think that of these 3 intelligent and mature adults, at least one of them after eight years of this relationship turmoil would have been able to say good bye to one of the others, but unfortunately we are dealing here with human beings, and life is not that simple.
Sam cannot bring himself to leave Jane because he loves her so. Sam cannot bring himself to leave Dawn because he likes her so and Dr. Freud may have been wrong – it may have been every 2 seconds. Dawn cannot break up with Sam because he is the answer to all of her financial emotional sexual and life problems, and Jane cannot bring herself to throw Sam out of the house because she so loves Sam, and knows that even half a husband is better than cyber dating - an endless series of coffee dates with every mishegena in the world and their own shtick galore. Perhaps this is the answer to World Peace – it’s never going to happen. Maybe the Black Eyed Peas were right - we’re all too addicted to the drama. http://www.thetempleoflove.com (The Peace Site)

Clues Your Partner is Having an Affair

Some of these signs of a cheating spouse are "tongue in cheek" while others are tell tale signs that commonly appear with a cheating husband or cheating wife. There is no copyright. Feel free to forward to those who might be interested. But please don't change anything.

Signs of a Cheating Spouse:

1) You find birth-control pills in her medicine cabinet, and you've had a
vasectomy.

2) Mutual friends start acting strangely toward you. (They either know
about the cheating or have been told stories about what a horrible wife
or girlfriend you are.)

3) Your cheating husband or wife stops confiding in you and seeking advice from you.

4) Sets up a new e-mail account and doesn't tell you about it.

5) He leaves the house in the morning smelling like Irish Spring and
returns in the evening smelling like Safeguard.

6) She joins the gym and begins a rigorous workout program.

7) She buys a cell phone and doesn't let you know.

8) He sets up a separate cell phone account that is billed to his office.

9) The cheating husband carries condoms, and you are on the pill.

10) Begins to delete all incoming phone calls from the caller ID.

11) Deletes all incoming e-mails when they used to accumulate.

12) He becomes "accusatory," asking if you are being true to him, usually out of guilt.

13) Raises hypothetical questions such as, "Do you think it's possible
to love more than one person at a time?"

14) He buys himself new underwear.

15) He insists the child seat, toys, etc., are kept out of his car.

16) The cheating wife stops wearing her wedding ring.

17) Has a sudden desire to be helpful with the laundry.

18) Has unexplained scratches or bruises on his or her neck or back.

19) Suddenly wants to try new love techniques.

20) He/she fairly suddenly stops having sex with you.

21) He/she suddenly wants more sex, more often.

22) Supposedly works a lot of overtime, but it never shows up on the
pay stub.

23) Picks fights in order to stomp out of the house.

24) You find out by accident he or she took vacation day or personal
time off from work - but supposedly worked on those days.

25) Shows a sudden interest in a different type of music.

26) Spouse's co-workers are uncomfortable in your presence.

27) Has a sudden preoccupation with his or her appearance.

28) Spends an excessive amount of time on the computer, especially
after you have gone to bed.

29) He throws up a lot because he just ate at his mistress's house and
had to eat the dinner you prepared when he got home.

30) Your spouse is away from home, either nights or on trips, more
than previously.

31) His/her clothes smell of an unfamiliar perfume or after-shave. You
see lipstick on your husband's shirt.

32) The amount of money being deposited into your checking account
drops off.

33) You find items of intimate apparel or other small gift-type items that you did not give your spouse.

34) Your spouse seems less comfortable around you and is "touchy"
and easily moved to anger.

35) You get calls where the caller hangs up when he or she hears your
voice.

36) He/she loses attention in the activities in the home.

37) Your intuition (gut feeling) tells you that something is not right.

38) He/she has a definite change in attitude towards everyone in the
home.

39) She uses a low voice or whisper on the phone or hangs up quickly.

40) She has a "glow" about her.

41) Atypical erratic behavior.

42) He sneaks out of the house.

43) She sleeps with her purse by the bed.

44) She goes to the store for groceries and comes home 5 hours later.

45) He tells you that you can get hold of him at a different telephone number.

46) The telltale sign of a cheating spouse? Having to ask that question
in the first place.

No-Cost (or Extremely Low-Cost) Ways to Remind Your Special Other of How Much You Love Them

It's so easy, as we race through each day trying to accomplish an impossible number of tasks, to forget about those we love. Soon, and often unintentionally, one partner, or both, are left feeling unappreciated, overlooked and in need of some serious "TLC."

Logically, we all know that a relationship must receive attention if it is to grow. Realistically, few of us take the time to fan the relationship flames as often as we should. But help is on the way.

Showing your special someone how much you love them doesn't have to take a lot of time or cost a lot of money. In fact, it's better if it doesn't -- it's the little things that we remember most. So don't wait until next Valentine's Day to show your significant other that you love and appreciate them. Try to incorporate at least one of these romantic ideas into your partner's day, everyday (and when you've done them all, keep going by creating your own, or repeat the cycle!)

Cook them their favorite meal. Have it ready to go when they walk in the door, complete with candles.
1. 
   
   Leave a note for your special other (or tuck one into a lunch/briefcase) telling them how much you care.
   
   Try your hand at a love poem that includes special memories only the two of you share. Leave it somewhere unexpected.
2. 
   
   Make your partner a CD of "your" songs. Have it playing when they come home.
   
   If married, have your wedding vows framed and give it to your spouse "just because."
3. 
   
   On a cold day, warm up their car for them.
   
   Volunteer to do their share of the housework so they can relax.
4. 
   
   Let them sleep in.
   
   Pamper your significant other by running a bath for them. Include bath salts, candles, and soft music, then wash their hair
5. 
   
   Give your partner a massage (before they ask for it).
   
   Bring them lunch at work.
6. 
   
   Stop to say hello, kiss and hug every time you come in the front door.
   
   Pack a lunch and take your special someone on a surprise picnic or walk in the woods. Or, pack a desert and go stargazing.
7. 
   
   Flirt with them.
   
   Hold his or her hand.
8. 
   
   Bring them a blanket or sweater if they look cold.
   
   Tell them you love and appreciate them, don't just assume they know.
9. 
   
   Create your own holiday, then surprise your significant other with a celebration. This could be: "Happy 18 days since your last cigarette," a 2.5-year anniversary, or "I Love You More Than Ever Day."
   
   Leave a flower and a note on the windshield of their car.
10. 
    
    Cuddle for at least five minutes in the morning before getting out of bed.
    
    Buy them a small, but meaningful, gift such as their favorite gourmet coffee, a pair of warm socks because their feet are always cold, a book on tape for them to listen to while stuck in traffic, etc.

10 Things You Should Never Say to a Guy

Ladies, if you want to have a successful dating life, certain phrases should never come out of your glossy lips. Here they are:

1. WHEN WILL I SEE YOU AGAIN? You’ll see him when you see him. If he wants to see you again, he’ll call. If not, next. You don’t have time for anyone that doesn’t have time for you.

2. WHY DIDN’T YOU CALL? There’s only one answer to this question: Because he didn’t want to!!! What you’re really asking is, “Why didn’t you want to call me?” Who knows!! There could be a lot of reasons, but you shouldn’t be sitting around wondering why. You should be out dating lots of different guys and not worrying about ONE guy. Don’t be so quick to put all your eggs into one basket, because if they break, it’s a big mess!

3. WHERE WERE YOU? If he wanted you to know where he was, he’d tell you. What you’re really asking is, “Where you with another female that you like better than me?” Your insecurity is showing, my dear. If anything, he should be wondering where you were.

4. I LOVE YOU (FIRST) - You’re saying it in the hopes that he’ll say it back, but what if he doesn’t? You’ll be devastated and probably feel foolish. Saying “I love you” is not going to speed things up if he’s not ready to say it back. So just cool it, and let him be the first to say it when he’s ready.

5. DID YOU SLEEP WITH HER? As long as he’s not sleeping with her now, who cares? The past is gone. Don’t torture yourself (and him) with these thoughts. In this case, ignorance really is bliss.

6. I’M PREGNANT. In 2005, with all the birth control choices available, there is no excuse for becoming pregnant, unless you want to be. You should be using something and he should use a condom, every time.

7. WHERE IS THIS GOING? Nowhere fast if that’s your attitude. Guys want someone fun and easy to be with, not someone that’s constantly worrying about the future. His actions or non-actions will tell you where it’s going. If it’s going somewhere, you’ll know it. If it’s not, you’ll know it too.

8. WE NEED TO TALK. This is the equivalent of, “Go to the principal’s office”. Guys know it’s not going to be a fun conversation, so they’re already on the defense. If you need to discuss something, just casually bring it up when the both of you are relaxed. Don’t try to talk to him when he’s tired, stressed or trying to watch tv!

9. I HATE YOU! Even if you do, it’s totally uncalled for and un-lady like. If there’s an issue, be mature enough to discuss it when you’re calm. If he’s breaking up with you, reacting with anger may make you feel better temporarily, but it’s best to remain calm and act unfazed. He’ll wonder why you’re so cool about it and that may make him re-think his decision. Always be pleasant during a break up. Do you want to be known as the girl that goes psycho if someone breaks up with her?? I didn’t think so.

10. I DON’T TRUST YOU. What you’re actually saying is, “You need to step up your game, because I can see you’re up to something.” If he is up to something, he’ll just become even sneakier. Better to think smart and act dumb-it’ll be easier to get the evidence you need to confirm your suspicions.


Lucia is a dating and relationship expert, columnist, lecturer and host of the TV Show "The Art of Love".

With over 20 years experience on the relationship market, Lucia has dated men of all nationalities in six cities, four countries and two continents. Her practical know-how makes her the perfect candidate to dispense relationship advice – after all, in almost every dating dilemma she has been there, done that and lived to tell about it.

7 Reasons Why Diamonds Are Still A Girl's Best Friend

Marilyn Monroe made that phrase famous. Diamonds are a girl's best friend. That still makes a lot of sense. Here's why.



Reason #1 diamonds are a girls best friend because they are so beautiful. Fiery, romantic diamonds light up her finger. White diamonds look beautiful with outfits in every color.


Reason #2 diamonds are forever. There are lots of beautiful things around. Why diamonds? Roses are beautiful, but they fade. Dresses are gorgeous, but after childbirth, or as she ages, that beautiful dress would not look as beautiful on her anymore.


Reason #3 diamonds are precious. Sure, moissanite may be what a girl might buy for herself, because of its lower price, but moissanite is man made. Diamonds are rare, natural stones. The diamonds that girls love are of the highest quality. The lower grade diamonds may be used in tools, but women look at the quality of the diamond. A large, high quality diamond would definitely impress.


Reason #4 diamonds are romantic. Especially when he is proposing to her with a diamond worth two months of his salary. It means sacrifice for love on his part. The fact that he loves her enough to save that sum to buy that diamond for her is a very romantic gesture that she will remember for years to come, each time she sees that diamond on her finger.


Reason #5 diamonds say that her man can provide for her very well. From the days when men would go out and hunt for animals to feed the family, to today, when most men go out there to bring in the money to support the family, women love being cared for. Being provided for. In many cultures, women look to marry a rich man. A man who can provide for them. If a guy can afford to give her diamonds, he can easily provide for her daily needs and for that of her children.


Reason #6 diamonds are practical. Like the song, diamond's are a girl's best friend. A kiss will not pay the bills. A rose isn't going to pay for her rental. A diamond, on the other hand, in times of emergency, can be a life saver. A single diamond can be sold for enough money to pay for a woman's bills when times get tough.


Reason #7 diamonds are a girl's insurance. Ok, so now, there are insurance policies in paper, that promise to pay for her old age medical bills etc, but diamonds are a lot more beautiful. She holds and sees them. She wears them. Everyone admires them. They assure her that even when she gets old, when she loses her looks, even if her guy leaves her for a younger woman, the diamonds would still be with her. A collection of diamond jewelry assures her that in her old age, or she is in dire need for cash, a piece of diamond jewelry could be sold, or pawned for much needed cash. Diamonds are a girl's insurance.

7 Myths About Creating A Better Relationship

7 Myths About Creating A Better Relationship by Cecil McIntosh

In my private practice for over 14 years no matter what my clients have come to see me about, there has always been an issue about a better relationship.

Here are 7 of the most common misconceptions my clients have related to me about having a better relationship. These misconceptions are followed by my perspective on each one of them.

Myth 1 I have to love everything about my partner

Reality Check 1

You were born pure and pristine. You then learnt behaviors from your parents, teacher, coaches, church etc. (who did their best to teach you about a better relationship). These behaviors have become the backbone for your way of living and having a better relationship.

Perhaps a common behavior that irritates having a better relationship would be leaving the toilet seat up after use. This is merely a behavior and not the essence of the person. However, when you may consider this behavior to be the person, this destroys the concept of a better relationship, creating all kinds of conflict in your need for a better relationship.

Myth 2 Love means that I can fix your partner

Reality Check 2

You met your partner because of some special quality or charteristic that you admired. You need to accept and allow that quality to flourish in order to allow you and your partner to grow into a better relationship.

You may be unaware that you do not even like yourself. Yet by allowing your partner to grow and expand, you will experience the quality of your partner and the beauty within you, as you begin to enjoy a better relationship.

Myth 3

I am supposed to give up the things I like in order to be in a better relationship.

Reality Check 3

Giving up the things you like to be in a better relationship is like take a knife and cutting away a part of yourself.

Your better relationship is based on the uniqueness of you and your partner.

When you give up your uniqueness you rob yourself of a better relationship, your passion and your partner of your creativity.

Myth 4 I will be rescued by a knight in shining armour

Reality Check 4

You may have been conditioned to live your life expecting someone to take care of you. What happens if that person becomes ill? and is no longer able to take care of you.

Your responsibility in creating a better relationship, is to bring your passion to the table of your relationship. Some days you will be the knight in shining armour and another day your partner will be the knight in shining armour of a better relationship.

You will each get a chance to shine like star in a better relationship because of your strengths and weaknesses.

Myth 5 It cost a lot to be in a relationship

Reality Check 5

In a material context, a better relationship can be expensive if you think that love is based on the bigger house, car or boat. Although some of these material assets are necessary, they should not be at the expense of creating a better relationship.

Love is creating a better relationship by building a relationship that is based on the simple things in life, like walking and holding hands, going on a picnic (just the two of you), or sharing an ice cream.

Love in a better relationship is not about what you show on the outside but what you express in you heart. Love is not about money or materialism, love just is.

Myth 6 Love in a relationship is or is not a feeling

Reality Check 6

It is not what you say, it is what you do. You can say, "I love you" which may be merely words and no feelings (action). Love is the action of doing.

If you make a cup of tea for yourself, (the water is boiled), make a cup of tea for your partner. Whether your partner wants the tea or not is irrelevant, it is the thought that counts and the action that cements a better relationship.

Myth 7 I don't have to work at my relationship

Reality Check 7

As a child, you learned to creep before you walked. Then you learned the letters of the alphabet. In order to write, you had to learn how to put those letters together to make words and sentences.

These sentences then become the way in which you communicated.

When you and your partner stop communicating after learning how to use the letters of the alphabet in sentences, it's like 2 tape recorders talking to each other - Nobody is at home to enjoy a better relationship.

In summary:

1. Your partner's behavior in a better relationship is not your partner's true essence.

2. There is no need to have a clone of yourself. A better relationship requires some variety.

3. Giving up of your uniqueness to be in a better relationship is like throwing out the baby with the bath water.

4. In a better relationship there are no superior partners, just equal partners.

5. Love in creating a better relationship is not about money and the material assets (although there are important) but the simple things in life.

6. Love in a better relationship is active not passive.

7. Lack of communication crushes your desire for a better relationship.

5 Tips For Successful Relationships

"5 Tips For Successful Relationships!"

"Love conquers all, right?" Well----it's suppose to.
But most marriages will end in divorce. Most of their
problems are about the children, money, or in-laws.
When couples commit to a long relationship, there are
specific personality traits they should have in common.
1. Similiar physical texture (thick skinned/thin skinned)
2. Similiar emotional stability
3. Similiar degree of tolerance
4. Similiar intelligence/understanding of situations
5. Similar Interests

Without these five traits, the couple live on difference
planes, different worlds. They are inclined to drift
apart.

Couples grow by adjusting to their differences, but some
times, the amount of the difference may be too much.

Love provides the reason for being willing to adjust to
the other person's difference from yours.

A frequent question is; "How do I know it's real love?"
The answer may be that when you are enjoying something
special - ex: a movie, a sunset, flower, song, and you
long to have your partner to share it with. The
degree of longing will determine how much in love you are.

Growth in a relationship should come from; doing things
together, allowing things to happen, accepting them as
is, and changing what you can. It involves sharing and
caring.

Couples usually don't mind working at their relationship
as long as they have a closeness to each other. They
don't want divorce, they want understanding. Divorce is
usually a rebellion at not being able to get through to
each other. The couple are still in love, that's why it
hurts so much to part.

There is a story of a couple who had been engaged for
seven years. The young lady didn't have the courage to
commit. They had their personalities profiled and
learned to adjust to each other's personalities. They
understood each other as individuals and their relationship
flourished.

To perfect your relationships "Secrets For A Happier Love
Life" is now available to help you. Get your FREE e-course
at; http://www.faceuptoit-youcan.com/ssale.html
Contact Kathy at; success4u@faceuptoit-youcan.com

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5 Surefire Ways to Arouse Your Woman

As there are different types of women, there are different ways to arouse them as well. If you have been in a bit of a slump here are some quick ways to rev up your love life:

1) Dress in a suit and take her out to a romantic dinner. Women love men in suits and almost every man looks good in one. The soft candle light of a romantic restaurant combined with a good wine will put her in the mood to get closer, as well.

2) Work out together. Workouts release pheromones that heighten attraction between couples. Get sweaty together then clean up with some dirty fun in the shower.

3) Take a bath together. Fill the tub with some scented oils or bath salts and toss in some rose petals. Play romantic music and light some candles. She will feel pampered and grateful. Let her relax for a few minutes then slip in with her. There is plenty of opportunity for sexy contact while you clean each other.

4) Roleplay can keep your relationship and sex life reved up for years.

Ex. My boyfriend will dress up like a handyman and really get into the act with accent and tools. He comes over and offers to lend a helping hand around the house. He offers a truly helping hand and I tip him extremely well.

5) Practice erotic massage. Either take a class together or get a video or book and practice on each other. This is a great way to get both of you relaxed and heated up.

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3 Tips You Wish You Know Earlier Before You Go Into Any Type of Relationship!

If you are in a relationship right now, or are thinking of
going into one, there are 3 very important tips you should
know and questions you should ask yourself before you ever
get yourself into a relationship. This could save you from a
lot of heartache and pain when you are involved in a love
relationship.

(1) Your lover does not owe you your happiness, peace or
joy.
Happiness is a state of mind we choose to have. All of your
happiness, and all of your suffering, are created by you and
they do not come from outside of you, or from others. Before
you go into any type of relationship, ask yourself these
questions: "Do I really, really, really know how to walk
away from disappointment and fear? Will I be able to find
the person that I am now even after I go into this
relationship and begin a new way of life?" In short, you
should not be dependent on your partner on your emotional
needs. You yourself are responsible for your own feelings
and creating positive experiences for both your partner and
you whenever you are together.

(2) Love your partner for who they are.
No one in this world is perfect. One day you will find your
partner doing certain things or saying certain things that
will hurt you, disappoint you or anger you. Before you go
into any type of relationship, you have to ask yourself:
"Will I be able to love my partner for who they are. If I am
unhappy or angry with something they have said or done, will
I be able to recognize my unhappiness or anger as against
their speech, actions and behavior, and not against their
persons?"

(3) Will I be able to love myself as much as I love my
partner?
If you cannot love yourself, how are you going to give love
to another? This is a mistake most people make when they go
into a relationship. They become over-obsessive with what
they can give to their partners and what they can do for
their partners. To ensure a fulfilling relationship, you
have to learn to take care of your own needs as well. A true
partner or lover is one who will make sure that you do not
become too dependent on them. You are responsible for your
own feelings and your own emotional needs too. You are a
beautiful being. So, take care of yourself, love yourself,
treat yourself to all the good things in life too, and do
the same to your partner. Very soon you will find true love
always coming your way without any effort on your part!

As always, if you are encountering problems in your
relationship, try to dissolve all of your problems in love.
And you'll be sure you are on your way to a peaceful and
fulfilling relationship!

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